Lesson 7 - What makes me tick

Miss Blue just wrote the hottest lesson! it was about how she is able to control me in any way she likes, and of course i am anxious to serve her in any way she likes. even if it is degrading, like her peeing on me while i masturbate or even peeing directly into my mouth so i can be totally intimate with her. goddess it is so exciting to think about that, i just can't even describe the feeling - but it is intense and it drives me into subspace. and when she knows she has total control and i am hers, she uses my face and tongue like a vibrator to achieve orgasm after orgasm. and while my tongue is stretched to its limits, my clittie is restricted to its tiny cage to keep me attentive. this lesson really had my attention. it took me a long time to recover after reading it.
but the point of this lesson was that Miss Blue wants me to tell her what makes me tick (even though i think she already knows) - what makes me submissive and willing to do anything to please her and give her pleasure. i don't think she is asking me to analyze how i became a sissy in the first place (who can tell anyway), but rather what turns me on, keeps me submissive, and drives me into subspace. that is what i am going to assume she meant anyway, since i can't answer the "why" question anyway.

i need a strong dominant woman to control me domestically and sexually. i need her to determine when i am allowed to cum, and when i am not. don't ask me how this happened, i've always been independent and even a loner to some extent. this has worked for me and lead me to some successes.  but now i crave being controlled in an intimate femdom relationship. at times i need to be used. forcefully, even ruthlessly. Mistress Akasha has been introducing me to bondage and strap on sex as a way to demonstrate her power and my need for her to control me. it is exciting. it makes me feel weak.

i am addicted to pussy and have been as long as i can remember. since my cock is too small to really please a woman and is generally locked in chastity anyway, my passion is to use my tongue and face to please her. Mistress will occasionally give me a pair of her soiled panties when i have pleased her. it is a powerful reminder of who contols me, and i cum quickly when i am allowed to sniff their scent when i am not wearing a chastity.

i am a sissy and a crossdresser. i love women's lingerie and i have worn it exclusively for years, even while i appear to be male to those around me. i own no male underwear at all and wear panties and a bra at all times - even to the gym. recently, and thanks to Mistress Akasha, i have developed an interest in makeup, and in controlled circumstances dressing completely as a woman. i have visited  a mall while dressed, and it is a strong erotic turn on.

i hope this blog entry hasn't been terribly boring, though i suspect it has. i've learned that it is much more satisfying to allow a Mistress you trust to guide me through these things and show me what i need, than try to understand it all.